Buying India Relish!

There are so many products that I like that you cannot buy anymore.

For example, I’ve used Brylcreem (“A little dab will do ya“), since the 1960’s, but it’s really hard to find anymore . . . .

The same is true for some of my favorite foods. The world’s taste changes, while my taste remains constant . . .

I always loved India Relish, far more flavorful on hot dogs than ordinary relish.

India relish is prefect on Hot Dogs, because the special spices in India relish mesh perfectly with the natural flavor of the lips and butt-holes that hot dogs are made from.

You can buy India relish here on Amazon!

India Relish is far beter than sweet relish

American Biographical Institute 2009 Man of the year award winners

There are some rednecks up the road from me in Raleigh who are conducting a vanity award business in a small office that they named the “American Biographical Institute”!

They are making a small fortune selling made-up awards to gullible foreigners!

These good ole boys must be laughing their butt’s off when some foreigner sends them hundreds of dollars to print a hunk of paper proclaiming them as “Genius Laureate of the World“!

Even funnier, it take brass balls to award the Noble Prize (Yes, that’s “Noble”, not “Nobel”) to gullible foreigners who cannot spell!

Read my notes on the douchebags who buy a Noble Prize from North Carolina rednecks!

Sucker! Shri Chiudry bought his Noble Prize from Raleigh!

For more run, read Jeff Schallit’s funny list of academic vanity award scammers. These people are geniuses!

Vanity knows no bounds, and they must be making a small fortune selling impressive accolades to stupid foreigners!

I wonder if the foreigners would buy them if they saw the actual institute, a small office tucked away in a Raleigh neighborhood? All it takes is a quick Google Earth check to see the “Institute” . . .

Here is the Google “hall of shame” listing hundreds of idiots who purchased their American Biographical Institute Man of the Year award for 2009.

As background, the Raleigh based “institute” (I drove past it, it’s more like a condo) offers the Man of the Year award to those rare individuals who possess a credit card capable of paying the fee:

Purchase your own man of the year award at the American Biographical Institute

Man of the year suckers include such notables as Scott Rick, Krishna Nayak Bags, Tu Xinshi, Nguyen Van Nho:

Dr. Nho purchased his Man of the Year 2009 award

I like Khalaf Ahmed Al Habtoor, who is openly deceptive about paying for his accolades from the American Biographical Institute, making it sound as-if it is some sort of great honor!

He bought the Grand Ambassador of Eminence and Leading Intellectuals of the World certificates, quite handsome and impressive certificates, well worth the money:

Khalaf Ahmed Al Habtoor purchased the
Genius Laureate of the United Arab Emirates award

“Mr. Khalaf Al Habtoor has likewise been honored on several occasions by the American Biographical Institute over the past years.”

It also says he purchased the Genius Laureate certificate, quite a good value for the money I hear:

“In 2006, the A.B.I. named Mr. Khalaf Al Habtoor as Genius Laureate of the United Arab Emirates for distinguished progression and mastery in the field of Accomplished Leadership as recorded in the “500 greatest geniuses of the 21st century.”

I also like this one, Dr. Balint Gheorghe posts his acceptance letter , but he somehow forgot to scan-in the payment information . . .

To purchase a prestigious Man of the Year award for yourself, read my notes on how to purchase prestigious awards from the American Biographical Institute in Raleigh North Carolina.

Illegal immigrants and food stamp fraud

Janet and I were in a grocery store this week, watching a Mexican woman pay for $200 in groceries with an EBT food stamp card.

She was completely illiterate in English, and she made a big scene, screaming at the cashier in Mexican because it was taking her too long to steal food from the government!

By law, illegal Mexican immigrants are supposed to be ineligible for food stamps, but there is a catch. They can get food stamps if at least one U.S. citizen in their household, which describes all U.S. born children of illegal Mexicans.

Here in North Carolina, any Mexican can walk into a social services food stamp office and get food stamps, without any proof of citizenship, or even any positive identification. They only need to bring a Mexican child with them, and say that they were hungry.

Even more dismaying, disabled Mexicans may be eligible for food stamps based on disability, regardless of the date that they entered America illegally.

Let’s look at what goodies illegal aliens get when they enter other countries:

– If you cross the Iranian border illegally you are detained indefinitely.
– If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you are shot on sight.
– If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally you are immediately jailed.
– If you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.
– If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally you will be executed.
– If you cross the Cuban border illegally you will be thrown into prison.
– If you cross the North Korean border illegally you get a plane ride with Bill Clinton.

But if you cross the United States border illegally you get

– A job
– A driver’s license
– A social security card
– Food stamps
– Free education
– Free medical care
– Billions of dollars worth of public documents printed in your language
– The right to carry your country’s flag while you protest that you don’t get respect for being a criminal.

Let’s never forget, America is a nation of legal immigrants, and the last people we want on our shores are illegal immigrants who have no respect for the law.

Read why this is reverse Darwinism , survival of the criminals at the expense of honest immigrants.

Drinking Calpis and balls

When we are in foreign lands we love the tasty treat they call Calpis and balls:

Calpis is a Japanese milk-like soft drink and when pronounced it sounds just like “Cow piss”.

I just like saying it, asking my friends if they want to go out for Calpis and balls.

The Calpis is mixed with ice, flavorings and tea, and then they dump-in the chewey balls for a unique frosty treat.

The balls are made of gluten tapioca, and look exactly like goat turds, round and brown.

The drinks are yummy, sort of like a milkshake and served with a fat straw to suck-up the chewy balls from the bottom of the frosty drink.

Some people call it “bubble tea”, but I prefer the old-fashioned Calpis and balls.

And what’s this advertisment, “The joys of sucking on balls”?

That’s just nasty . . .

The Assurance wireless scam: Free cell phones

A new scam called Assurance Wireless from Virgin Mobile offers poor people a free cell phone service.

This giveaway competes with the Safelink wireless scam , whereby welfare people get free cell phones.

Now I ask you, who would get a cell phone from a company whose name began with “Ass”?

Assurance is a thinly disguised communist giveaway, designed to resdistribute wealth. It’s nothing more than a wireless program exclusively for people on welfare, food stamp, anybody who is on the dole gets a free cell phone from Assurance:

Who would get a phone from a company whose name begins with “Ass”?

Assurance is an abuse of the federal Universal Service Fund (USF), money set aside to adhere to the Telecommunications Act of 1996. This law has the goal of promoting an economic environment conducive for the growth of new information technology.

Hey, what better way to promote Information Technology than to give-away cell phones to the criminal underclass, a sure way to help them facilitate crime:

Assurance cell phones help criminals to stay in touch

It’s true, those who qualify for Assurance free cell phones have a much higher rate of criminal convictions than the general public. These are the last people we need to be getting free telephones.

On the other hand, it’s possible that Assurance is not a scam because it’s an easy way for the police to eavesdrop on the criminal underclass. Because the government is paying for the cell phones, it’s their property, a smart way to spy on welfare moochers and common criminals.

How to qualify for an Assurance free phone

To get a free phone you must be taking benefits from any organization. It does not matter much, so long as you are realy poor or have a history of accepting:

– Medicaid
– Food Stamps (EBT)
– Supplemental Security Income (SSI)
– Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF)
– Federal Public Housing Assistance (FPHA)
– Low Income Home Energy Assistance (LIHEAP)
– The National School Lunch Program’s Free Lunch Program

Assurance phones are not modest landline telephones. No way, Jose. Assurance provides the latest cell phone technology with brand new cell phones.

Assurance wireless is just another “safety” scam, claiming that people need cell phones for safety. This has nothing to do with safety. Any cell phone can call 911, and you don’t need Assurance wireless.

Si – Assurance will get your ass a free cell phone

Assurance free phones are only available to people residing in New York, North Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia.

If you are among those working two full-time job, you might think that you have earned the right to get an Assurance cell phone, but you are wrong! Assurance Wireless is designed primarily for people with a history of taking handouts from the government:

Hardworking people need not apply: No phones from Assurance Wireless

How about we give the free phones to hard working people who are trying to make ends meet?

Chuck Yeager and Military Celebrities

The United States Air Force, like any other organization, needs celebrities; poster boys who represent the heroes who have “The Right Stuff” (one of my favorite movies of all time).

I was surprised when I read about this lawsuit and the Fark comments. The Farkers know the truth about Chuck Yeager, a real American hero who does not suffer fools gladly:

– “Get a grip. This is Chuck Yeager. Brass Frickin’ Balls. There is not a single one of us pansy asses wackin’ off on Fark and thinking that we is so studley that could even carry Chuck’s jock.”

– “You REALLY don’t want to fark around with Chuck Yeager. I remember him telling me that the best way to keep people from pushing you around was to make them regret it every time they tried. Good advice. He didn’t tolerate idiots well, as I recall.”

This is the statement that Yeager’s family is suing over. IANAL, buit this is not actionable, IMHO:

“Not unlike Buzz Aldrin or Chuck Yeager, you have the opportunity to be part of a monumental moment in air travel”

Note that Buzz Aldrin is not suing Virgin Airlines. I love this video of Buzz, where he punches out an asswipe who calls him a coward!

Manufacturing Celebrities

As background, the USAF has a history of manufacturing celebrities, like when they made Jimmy Stewart a Air Force General, more about his fame as an actor than his ability to command:

Make a Hollywood hit and become a General officer

Chuck Yeager is only one of thousands of young men to have distinguished themselves in aerial combat, real heroes whose names are all but forgotten like Ralph Parr, a truly amazing fighter pilot, one of the greatest jet fighter aces in American history.

Nobody knows Ralph Parr, but you don’t earn this kind of fruit salad by being a pussy:

Choosing the next American Hero

Truth be told, there were 125 test pilots who could have taken that first supersonic flight, a straight and level walk in the park.

Chuck Yeager is a real-deal American hero who won the Silver Star and got the Distinguished Flying Cross three times, but that was nothing super-special in 1944.

Thousands of young Americans risked their lives daily to help liberate Europe from the Nazi’s.

If you get a chance, read Chuck Yeager’s autobiography, and it will become clear that Chuck is am amazing man, a real hero, but that brand of heroism was not unique, and I think that Chuck would wholeheartedly agree.

Invoking Satan: Being the devil’s advocate

Last week Satan made headlines when Pat Robertson said that the Haiti earthquake was caused by the Haitians invoking the Devil.

Robertson claims that the Haitians wanted to be rid of the French at all costs, and the Hatians made a pact with Lucifer to banish the French.

Which is worse, Hell or France?

Don;t say “The Devils advocate: I invokes Satan

Well, Satan must be on people’s minds because I recently got chastised by a lady for saying the words “To be the devil’s advocate . . . ”.

She told me that saying “devils advocate” was “invoking” Satan. Fortunately, my accidental satanic invocation was not effective . . .

Afterwards, I decided to research my faux paux.

I learned that there are many ways to invoke Satan.

I try very hard to respect people of all faiths and creeds (except Atheists, of course, who are going to Hell), so I needed to learn more so that I did not accidentally offend another thumper by invoking the prince of darkness.

On the other hand, I don’t want to appear anti-satanic, because Americans are supposed to tolerate every religion, no matter what they worship!

The history of the Devil’s Advocate

I thought that the term “devil’s advocate” was a part of Christian history. I was correct. In Christian history, the term Devil’s advocate originated when they debated on whether a person was worthy of sainthood.

Satan incarnate

The Devil’s Advocate was formally known as The Promoter of the Faith. The job of the Devil’s Advocate was to argue against canonization of the saint, claiming that the miracles were due to natural causes.

The last devil’s advocate was Christopher Hitchens of Vanity Fair who was asked in 2002 to be “advocatus diabolic” (Devil’s advocate), and testify against the beatification of Mother Teresa.

Good Samaritans sued by un-dead man

Just up the street from the ranch, they found a man in the road that had been hit by a car.

The ME pronounced him dead at the scene, zipped him up in a body bag, and sent him to the Louisburg morgue for an autopsy.

But he was not really dead . . . .

Back from the dead
Larry Green of Louisburg NC

In a bizarre case of mistaken death, Mr. Green woke up in the morgue, quite alive, but sadly, not too well. He is still in a nursing home . . .

During a second examination at the morgue, Green’s eyelid twitched several times and that Purdue said it was merely a muscle spasm, “like a frog leg jumping in a frying pan.”

Imagine waking-up in the morgue!

The money grab begins

While the person who hit Mr. Green (the person responsible for his injuries) has not been identified, the lawyers are seeking any “deep pockets” and suing anybody involved, including the Good Samaritans who tried to help him, the paramedic rescue workers.

His kinfolks have already rejected a million dollar cash offer, and are now suing for even more cash.

This is a tragedy, but it’s the fault of the person who hit him, not the city, and not the paramedics.

I also hear that his injuries were so severe that earlier treatment would have made no difference in the outcome.

No good deed goes unpunished

Even though North Carolina has a Good Samaritan Law it does not apply to paid workers, and it does not keep the victim from blaming you for their injuries! Blaming the Good Samaritan for causing an accident happens far too frequently . . . .

A few years back I sat on a jury where a victim blamed a Good Samaritan for causing her accident! The poor man’s only crime was stopping to help, and as a reward, the victim accused him of causing the accident!

There is a lesson here, and it’s not a good one.

If you see somebody dying beside the road, keep moving. If you stop, their lawyer could accuse you of causing the accident . . .

When it’s time to sue, the lawyers have no problem suing everyone involved, witnesses, bystanders, paramedics, ambulance personnel, you name it, anybody with deep pockets is fair game.

Some States do not have Good Samaritan laws, and it’s a shame that if you try to stop and try to assist someone in California, you could get sued!

“A Good Samaritan whose well-meaning but careless rescue effort injures an accident victim can be sued for damages, the state Supreme Court ruled Thursday.”

I’ll bet a lot of people are going to die because of this nonsense . . .