Mental illness in cats

Cats are prone to all sorts of mental disorders and neurosis, everything from paranoid schizophrenia to obcessive compulsive disorders.

This is hilarious, a whack-job cat

Reader feedback:

This is a Bengal cat, they do this by instinct.

The Aristocrats joke – as told by Eric Cartman!

The joke “The Aristocrats” is a standard launch pad for comedians. The intro and punch line are standards, but the middle part of the Aristocrats joke gives a comedian a chance to be as raunchy and disgusting as they possibly can.

See here for videos of famous people telling “The Aristocrats” joke.

Watch this one, by the twisted genius Trey Parker of South Park, the king of raunch . . . .

WARNING – Contains naughty words and vulgar suggestions

Breaking 80 in golf

A large part of my job these days is entertaining clients and playing in IT manager golf tournaments.

I’m co-sponsoring this golf tournament next week, all designed to meet with my clients and customers.

All young executives need to know how to play golf these days, and I think that golf lessons should be a part of the AACSB MBA curriculum.

Ready to break 80

I’m stoked, my golf game is better than ever before. I can pound a driver over 260 yards, sink 20 foot putts, and I’m now ready to take my golf game to the next level, golfing in the 70’s.

Golf scores are asymptotic to par, the closer you get to par, the longer it takes to improve:

It takes many years of golf practice to break 80

For me, I spend about 50 hours to take a stroke off my game, but if I play every day for the next two years I have a shot at breaking 80. According to Brad Clayton, my talented golf coach, here is what I need to do to break 80:

Walk the links – I own three golf carts (we play at several courses), but they stay garaged, as I walk 4.5 miles every day to improve my game, and my stamina.

Practice – I invested in a nice private driving range and practice green so that Janet and I can practice daily at home.

Visualize your play – Run through your round in your mind, re-playing each hole. You will be amazed at how well that helps . . .

Lose 100 pounds – I must get more flexibility, so I’m going to lose 10 pound in the next 14 months. I’m naturally skinny anyway:

Beneath my flab lies a skinny physique

I like a challenge, and this should be a good one, getting fit and breaking 80 at golf . . .

See my tips here, how to break 80 in golf.

Man cut in half, talks to people and survives

All kids know the joke “Where do you find a dog with no legs?” (1), but sometimes tragedy is not funny . . .

This is too weird to make up, a man cut in two by an auto accident, awake and talking to people.

WARNING – Graphic gross video:

Judging from the video, the accident crushed his main arteries, ripping off his legs, yet preventing him from bleeding to death.

It looks like he survived! His name is not given, but I don’t think it’s Matt:

As more people carry tiny video cameras, I’m sure we will be seeing more of this type of tragedy.

(1) Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him!

Prevent haintings by painting with Haint Blue!

We are doing a home addition and toying with the old Southern tradition of painting the ceilings Haint blue, a water color designed to keep ghosts and gouls away:

A Haint blue ceiling keeps the ghosts away

The term Haint comes from the old African American contraction for Haunted, where it was pronounced as “Hainted”. Many old slave homes featured Haint blue:

Old Haint blue home

Just as the African Americans control the new trends in the fashion industry, they did the same for home décor, and the crackers soon decided to copy then, making Haint blue an antebellum southern tradition:

Haint blue is attactive and keeps demons away

Haint blue is a tradition because the blue color fools ghosts into thinking it’s water, which as everyone knows, ghosts canot cross bodies of water.

By painting the ceiling on the outside of your porch Haint blue, the ghost’s think that it’s water and voila, you are protected against Haintings! Haint blue is a light sky blue, quite attractive:

Traditionally you paint your ceilings, doors and window trim in Haint blue.

Famous insults!

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison,” and he said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend….. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” – Robert Redford

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. ” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

Faked Police brutality charges rewarded with $400,000.00 cash

It amazes me how dirtbags will fake police brutality charges. In nasty case below, a scumbag drunk lady won $400,000 with a nuisance lawsuit and almost ruin a man’s career.

In this case, this nasty drunk woman is caught on tape, already injured and holding a tissue up to her bloody nose from an auto accident. In the tape we see her refusing to cooperate and acting like a drunken jackass and being belligerent and nasty to a police officer who demonstrates the patience of a Saint.

Dirtbag drunkard nearly kills people and wins bug cash judgement

Dirtbag Angela Garbarino tried to ruin a policeman’s career with fake brutality claims. Of course, the hysterical lady was drunk as a skunk, injured herself in a car accident, had a bad nosebleed, and then had the nerve to claim that the policeman did it.

People who make false charges of police brutality should go to jail for a long, long time.

Watch this video carefuly. In the first frames it’s clear that she alread has a nosebleed and she is obviously drunk, refusing a breath test:

Thankfully, the policeman was reinstated. But justice was not served. Despite her nasty, drunken tirades on tape Garbarino got off Scott free on her DWI charge, despite refusing a breath test (which, judging by her behavior, she would have clearly failed).

Worse yet, she reached an out-of-court settlement last year in which the city paid her $400,000 as compensation for her injuries.

The walking assistant device from Honda!

Walking sticks are so 19th century:

Our Japanese friends at Honda have created a new mobility option, the “walking assistant device”.

At first glance the Honda walking assistant looks like a bad practical joke, with a motorized contraption that you nestle between your nuts while you walk:

They say that it adds stability for people with weak legs, but we must also consider the side effect of being laughed at . . .

The most awesome photo ever taken

The kids toss about the word “awesome”, but this Hubble photo of deep space is truly awesome.

Please take a second to click the link above with has a giant photo that can be navigated like Google Earth. Just do five left-mouse clicks to zoom-in and behold! (You can drag your mouse around the photo).

What appear to be stars in the sky are actually galaxies, Brazilians of them!

With even a modest galaxy like the Milky Way containing 200 billion stars, we now see that there are billions of galaxies!

The truth is out there – galaxies everywhere!

Whenever I hear a scientist acting pretentious I like to remind myself that we are so primitive that we cannot eve see to the end of our own universe. . . .

I was watching the Nova TV show on black holes and they say that the Milky Way is on a collision course with the Andromeda galaxy in only ten million years.

That’s how much time mankind has to devise intergalactic travel, if we are not already extinct by then . . .

This is the true meaning of awesome . . .

Reader feedback

Is that first picture of the hubble deep field? I saw a video on that a few weeks ago: